too hard buddy..

how would you feel.. if at the end of something you were trying to achieve..and you could'nt, somebody comes and tells you that 'you tried too hard buddy!'
Well i, for one, would be really pissed and ask him to go watch pinky and the brain.

But what happens when u get to this realisation by yourself?
I'll tell you what happened with me.. i felt a moment of real peace..where everything is. You are. And i am. thats that. nothing more, nothing less.
It might sound weird, but the whole realisation was set off by a visual- a diya besides a tulsi plant in the corner of our garden. With a million thoughts buzzing in my head ( 'i havta book my tickets,' 'have my biceps grown?', 'will she call', screwing minissha lamba etc etc etc) i saw this diya from the corner of my eye. such a serene, tranquil, beautiful light falling on the plant..when the night temeperature was perfectly right on my skin..like the hand of a lover in yours..everything for a moment was as it should be.

For a moment, howsoever brief it might be, i felt joyous to be alive. This was the purpose of life.. this..this..and then it faded away. with a smile i moved on inside..my mind chattering again..

it was wen i was about to sleep that the realisation came to me fully..that how hard we try to be. to be happy, to be loved, to be wanted, to be sucessfull, to be someone, to be something..while the key is just 'to be'. im not sure that i fully understand it..and i can't follow this key in totality..that wud b perfect..but the exciting thing is that how such realisations come in sudden flashes..maybe weeks, months or maybe an year's life adding upto that flash of understanding, a faraway beacon of knowledge.

even now im perturbed...but armed with a key which fits sometimes in the lock..

lets c. or better still- lets b.

[as a post script i ll mention the key point again as the viper pointed out 'im still trying hard!..but boy..you gotta be hard at the correct time and place ;) ]