Friday, October 31, 2008

adventures of aleyandro and dmitri

10 30 pm : Aleyandro and dmitri on a ducati blackbird B-12- Aleyandro driving and Dmitri pillion- aleyandro is singing a Rihanna song 'good girl gone bad'.. Dmitri's eyes are glazed..he has just joined the league of transformers (dmitri's transforms to a doormat!). They are heading for 'the subway' where aleyandro has formed powerful allies in his attempt to subjugate the sandwich eating realm of humanity.

Aleyandro (smtimes also known as haani salaam or salaami paan) : "easy for a good girl to go bad..eating lettuce with dim sums is a diet fad"

Dmitri: fuck you ho

Aleyandro: well you're alredy do-eeng that. would you be a mind a.. getting baaaack a leetle beet..your caaack is alrezy puzzing againzt me arse...bollocks u sodden faggot! (aleyandro recently realised that he is part british, part jordanian, part footlong with extra mayo and double helpings of cheese)

Dmitri: man im the ghostface killah..are you ready fer some mean pain. (dmitri was a delhi bred russian wanabe growing up on a lot of hip-haap. He had recently begun signing his name as 'Nelly')

Aleyandro: Ji karda bai ji karda..shut up and ( Sardar ji roots+ rihanna. Our mate aleyandro is a very rooted person)

At this point they passed an open air ambulance which was speeding a hyper ventilating patient to a nearby hospital. the guy caught a few snatches of their conversations and died of cardiac arrest. But that is useless information anyways coz he was the cook in aleyandro and dmitri's mess and cooked awful strawberry treacle tart in the main course and barley porridge for dessert.

Dmitri: man im gonna bang that haat mama Trnity (the leather clad nun from th da vinci code..or was it the matrix!)

Aleyandro: she be kikin yer arse motha.. faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccckkkkkk!

Aleyandro screamed suddenly as he saw a butterfly in his path. they were on a collision course with a butterfly. With the speed they were going complete anhilliation was inevitable.

{arrival of Anya- that haat beautiful russian cheek who makes the tuna in yer tuna sub do a cartwheel with a mere look..and makes you wish you were a little platypus whom she would take as a pet}

Anya was an expert and skilful gymnast who had learnt everything from watching stock footage of micheal phelps (real name mikhail pheliphyl neochowsky). She did a graceful manouver, which is insescribable in words, maybe a few gurgling sounds can do the trick.

Try and understand:

gugg..glugg gulugg glugg..grrr..gugle..gugg gugg.

there. Now the ducati blackbird had an unexpected but welcome new driver. Anya took control of the bike and manouvered it past the butterfly who gave a startled look towards the oncoming racket and realised its gonna crap the hell outta her. She would ve shat in her pants if she wore any. But she just let out a small whimper and fluttered her wings
(trivia: when this footage was viewed later on scientists found out that this was what had triggered of 'the butterfly effect'. Poor ashton kutcher gaat fucked coz of this 10 45 pm aleyandric catastrophe.)

10 50pm:

Anya, aleyandro and dmitri were standing outside subway. if someone would ve looked carefully they would ve found a puddle near dmitri's left foot(that was coz he was drooling) .

what happenned with the bike and the butterfly, we shall never know..because its more suspenseful that ways. and more importantly, the narrator had to chat with the viper.

But be warned mortal one..aeyandro and dmitri shall return!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

too hard buddy..

how would you feel.. if at the end of something you were trying to achieve..and you could'nt, somebody comes and tells you that 'you tried too hard buddy!'
Well i, for one, would be really pissed and ask him to go watch pinky and the brain.

But what happens when u get to this realisation by yourself?
I'll tell you what happened with me.. i felt a moment of real peace..where everything is. You are. And i am. thats that. nothing more, nothing less.
It might sound weird, but the whole realisation was set off by a visual- a diya besides a tulsi plant in the corner of our garden. With a million thoughts buzzing in my head ( 'i havta book my tickets,' 'have my biceps grown?', 'will she call', screwing minissha lamba etc etc etc) i saw this diya from the corner of my eye. such a serene, tranquil, beautiful light falling on the plant..when the night temeperature was perfectly right on my the hand of a lover in yours..everything for a moment was as it should be.

For a moment, howsoever brief it might be, i felt joyous to be alive. This was the purpose of life.. this..this..and then it faded away. with a smile i moved on mind chattering again..

it was wen i was about to sleep that the realisation came to me fully..that how hard we try to be. to be happy, to be loved, to be wanted, to be sucessfull, to be someone, to be something..while the key is just 'to be'. im not sure that i fully understand it..and i can't follow this key in totality..that wud b perfect..but the exciting thing is that how such realisations come in sudden flashes..maybe weeks, months or maybe an year's life adding upto that flash of understanding, a faraway beacon of knowledge.

even now im perturbed...but armed with a key which fits sometimes in the lock..

lets c. or better still- lets b.

[as a post script i ll mention the key point again as the viper pointed out 'im still trying hard!..but gotta be hard at the correct time and place ;) ]

Friday, October 17, 2008

VIPER says

"well i hate bloggers...coz they are confused and have nothign to do..they are failed writers who cud not carve out a publication for themselves... the end I am THE FAT VIPER!!"

- vishav vikram kapoor aka the Fat Viper.

Mr Viper i agree with you.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


18 days, coupla doctors and 'no diagnosis' later, im feeling angry and the first touch of what one would call panic. early rumblings of it'll go away have now turned into 'wtf is wrong with me'

inviting doctors and quacks with alternative therapies..

Monday, October 6, 2008

gonna bake a pie..

"when the world is grey and bleak
baby dont you cry

i will give you all my love,

bake it into a simple little pie

baby dont you cry

gonna bake a pie

gonna bake a pie

with a heart in the middle

baby dont be blue

gonna make for you
gonna bake a pie

with a heart in the middle

gonna bake a pie
from the heavens above
gonna be filled with strawberry love

baby dont you cry
gonna make a pie
i will hold you forever
in the middle of it all..

baby heres the sun

and baby heres the sky

baby im your light and im your shelter

baby you're mine

i could freeze the time
keep you in the kitchen
with me forever

gonna bake a pie
from the heavens above
gonna be filled with strawberry love

baby dont you cry

gonna bake a pie

and hold you forever
in the middle of it all"

- in fond memory of adrienne shelly

24th june,1966- 1st nov, 2006

and for words unsaid and moments yet not lived.


"She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey"

Me: What

Me 2: nothing.

Me: really?

Me 2: um hmm

Me: tell me

Me 2: what

Me: nothing.

"Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there"

Me: Would you miss me once i'm gone?

Me2: of course i would. why do you ask?

Me: just.

Me2: you think its going to rain?

Me: sure hope it does.

Me2: damn i dont want to get wet.

Me: Um hmm

"will she come back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that theres room to grow, hey, hey"

Me: its..

Me2: haan?

Me: well..u want smthing to eat?

Me2: sure.

Me: what'll you have

Me2: i dunno. im not too hungry..

Me: i think i ll have tea.

Me2: me too.

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and ME"

Me: we're there

Me2: hmm..

Me: so..

Me2: yeah.

Me: listen..

Me2: haan..

Me: bye

Me2: bbye.

"Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back towards the milky way"

Sunday, October 5, 2008

mute again...(when will i learn to move on!!)

this here is one of my 'copyright sodomised' films which i ve sorta tried to patch up minus the music..its wholly mine now. hook, line and minissha lamba!

the time is now..

'Michael. Dear Michael. Of course it's you, who else could they send, who else could be trusted? I... I know it's a long way and you're ready to go to work... all I'm saying is wait, just wait, just-just-just... please hear me out because this is not an episode, relapse, fuck-up, it's... I'm begging you Michael. I'm begging you. Try and make believe this is not just madness because this is not just madness. Two weeks ago I came out of the building, okay, I'm running across Sixth Avenue, there's a car waiting, I got exactly 38 minutes to get to the airport and I'm dictating. There's this, this panicked associate sprinting along beside me, scribbling in a notepad, and suddenly she starts screaming, and I realize we're standing in the middle of the street, the light's changed, there's this wall of traffic, serious traffic speeding towards us, and I... I-I freeze, I can't move, and I'm suddenly consumed with the overwhelming sensation that I'm covered with some sort of film. It's in my hair, my face... it's like a glaze... like a... a coating, and... at first I thought, oh my god, I know what this is, this is some sort of amniotic - embryonic - fluid. I'm drenched in afterbirth, I've-I've breached the chrysalis, I've been reborn. But then the traffic, the stampede, the cars, the trucks, the horns, the screaming and I'm thinking no-no-no-no, reset, this is not rebirth, this is some kind of giddy illusion of renewal that happens in the final moment before death. And then I realize no-no-no, this is completely wrong because I look back at the building and I had the most stunning moment of clarity. I... I... I... I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach, and Ledeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism whose sole function is to excrete the... the-the-the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the stain of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undo. And you know what I did? I took a deep cleansing breath and I set that notion aside. I tabled it. I said to myself as clear as this may be, as potent a feeling as this is, as true a thing as I believe that I have witnessed today, it must wait. It must stand the test of time. And Michael, the time is now.'

The time is now.
The time is now.
The time is..
The time..

Saturday, October 4, 2008

in bruges

though as much of a sad day it is..(i can see a desolate winter approaching).. i had the pleasure of watching another great movie today- 'In Bruges'.

Sad. really sad.

hella hellboy!

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

:Barry Manilow

Listeing agent hellboy and abraham sapian sing that song was orgasmic! and worth watching the film for..

Guiellermo Del Toro...take a bow. Now thats a man to look up to!

(tho my bad luck with super-arse neighbours in the cinema halls continues..woe be me!)

Friday, October 3, 2008

The nine pointer guide to love

"to forget you i have to think of you and the more i think of you more i fall in love with please tell me to do anything.... anything....i can even hate you but i cant forget you"....-

Ashish R . Goyal

The gentleman who has written this quotilicious quote happens to be my roomate . (no this is not for me!) Well i have always known he's an intense guy but when i saw these lines i was like 'damn'. the thing with guys living with each other is that there's a lot of leg pulling, fist-fighting, bragging, exaggerating, ma-behning..that we rarely express our real feelings and vulnerabilities. Except of course in a state of inebriation which rarely occurs in our case.

the quote set me thinking and i could'nt get it out of my head the entire day. I was trying to make sense out of it. A walk in the rose garden led me to disagree with the entire thing.

Im discovering new definitions of love evryday. But im glad none of them echoes with what my friend has to say.

What i have found out in the past few days:

1) its very easy to fall in love: i used to worry whether i ll ever fall in love or not. well the whole experience was like the first hour of watching Peter Jackson's 'King Kong'. It was totally different from what i had perceived. the tough part in love is: sustainance (that is, if we are talkin abt the classic one-sided thingy). But then..whats to sustain in that case? I dunno..from heron it enters the realm of a paradox, the meaning of which i do not know.

2) I simply forgot what i was about to write. This, my friend is simply old age and not love.

3) Im sure one doesnt have to forget the person one's in love with. I mean..i ve never forgotten about anyone or anything which i ve tried to forget. its like trying to ignore a person by staring at them. ( i tried this with my mathematics question paper disastrous results i might say!)

4) love is definitely a pathological condition: it sends the mind in a tizzy of unprecedented activity..mostly of the fruitless kind where one is genearlly thinking of the loved one, mostly consisting of 'general mish mash' of 'you know this and you know that'.

5) Love is a lot about crossing the bridge: ok..say the side of the bridge where one is standing right now is the beginning of love. One feels agitated, excited, expectant, weird, neurotic, happy, sad, jumpy, frumpy, dizzy, stoned, animated, scootish, Finnish, Polish, Swiss, Nigerian, cosmic, grand, weak, musical, jack black-ish, gandalf-ish, and a lot of other -ishes and dishes which you dont want to eat.
Yeah, the bridge. right. I got carried away . (make that no. 6 u buster- love means getting carried away, swept away..all that jazz!) Yeah. The bridge. the other side of the bridge is the calm, giving, unexpecting, just being state of existance. The tough part is taking that walk across the bridge. Dont ask me why is it tough. Just do it and see for yourself.

7) The most important. love ..

8) is..

9) a total FUCKER!

But that wont stop me, my roomate, my other room mate, samir ahmed sheikh, manveer singh, deepinder singh and so many simple, unsuspecting bozos from falling in love!
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Thursday, October 2, 2008

my new job..

" hey..what you doin nowadays", one of my friends asked me. Its one of those questions which are asked to elicit an 'automated reply question' thingy.

I gave a mystic sigh. "umm..nuthin. you say." No we were not chatting online.

"you asking me what im doin aajkal?" He asked sagely.

i nodded. " well i just got placed in microsoft. Gave my CAT got a 98.9 percentile." A sigh. " will surely miss IIM- B"

"Hmmm...but u did good anyways yaar". I was making an effort to stay calm here.

"I dunno..but hey..what u doin nowadays?"

I was trying to discern sarcasm from the diahorrea of the curious kind. " arre its wouldnt be interested.."

"I am, I am...bata na..", he insisted.

"well..err..i work in a whine shop". I have absolutely no idea where that came from.

"u mean a liquor shop?" My friend was obviously scandalised. Of course he could't make out what i had intended. At that moment, i was happy that there are no dialogue bubbles in real life. Thank God for homonyms.

"No no. I meant a whine company. I taste whines", i said with a straight face.

"What are you saying man...thats fantastic. Fuck..i ve..i've never met anyone who does that", he stammered. " Do they pay well?"

"Umm..not me..coz i wine a lot". Man..i was proud of myself for coming up with something like that.

"haha..dumb joke really..why would you whine man? you're funny!" he chuckled.

Now the problem with funny people is- they rarely feel funny themselves. Most of them are genuinely depressed and suffering from some neural disorders. I heard that guy Chaplin used to cry while watching his own movies. Mark Twain, for instance, was heartbroken most of his life. Now im not comparing myself with Mark Twain.. of course 'the twain shall never meet.' (now this, here, right now, was the moment i felt good about myself). My train of thought was suddenly derailed by the following remark:

"How do you actually taste a wine? it as tough as they make it out to be?"

" not at've just got to feel one with the whine..its said that whine is in the cosmic particles i mean", i shot off to fend that sacndalised look which my last remark elicited. " you just enter a sort of a seance..and then you are the whine..the whine is you...and then you whine!" i closed my eyes and actually went into a semi -seance (i made it a point to add it into my resume in the column 'wildest things i ve done'. this comes right below ' buying an antivirus software')
" Then you say to yourself 'thou shalt not wine about whine' and 'what is the purpose of life if theres no whining'...and..", i opened my eyes to find that my friend was not there anymore.

its Ok. I whine.